PMS Disease
by Fleeting-Spell
Summary: read story. Oh yeah and it's shounen ai
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: I don't own the four bishies of Saiyuki. If I did do you really think I'd be sitting here writing fanfics! Property of Minekura Kazuya.**

**Author: This is just something I wrote for fun so flames are expected and will not be considered. However constructive criticisms are welcome though I'm not sure how any one would want to get constructive over this simple plot that I wrote intwenty minutes.**

Guide: Bold lettering are actions.

PMS Diseases by Fleeting Spell

Summary: Errr...pretty pointless just killing time on break. Oh just read.

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**Insightful Conversation?**

Goku: Na Sanzo how come I keep hearing Gojyo talk about women's monthly PMS?

**TwitchTwitch**

Sanzo: "…"

Goku: Sanzoo?

Sanzo: Ask me one more time and I'll crack your skull open

**EEKK...Goku clamps his mouth for a second then...**

Goku: Do guys PMS too?

**Twitch**

Sanzo: "…"

Goku: Hmm? But Gojyo said you did.

**ThwackThwack**

Goku: Owww! What did you do that for?

Sanzo: Stop saying idiotic things brain-gone monkey. AND GUYS DO NOT PMS.

Goku: But do you?

**Gun goes off and poor Goku is dodging bullets for the life of him.**

Goku: But Gojyo said you were an exception…na Sanzo why is that?

**ThwackThwachThwack**

Goku: OWWWW! I was only inquiring on something I didn't know.

Sanzo: **(sweat drops)** Inquiring? When did your empty shell of a brain learn such fancy word.

Goku: Hakkai uses the word all the time.

Sanzo: Oh? And what did he say?

Goku: Hmm…I don't remember exactly. But the last time we were talking about PMS, he said that if I didn't understand then I should inquire to you about it.

Sanzo: **(grunts)** Stupid monkey. Didn't I tell you to stop listening to those two morons. And I'm not going to explain about PMS either so get lost.

Goku: Eh? Well ok but can you buy me some meat bun?

**Twitch**

Sanzo: Fine if that's the only way I can get you to shut your mouth for at least five seconds.

Goku: Yae! Meshi, meshi, meshi, mes-

**ThwackThwack**

Goku: OWWW! Sanzooooo…

Sanzo: Shut Up!

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Ok done with this Chpt. 


	2. Warning

**Pms Disease: by Fleeting-Spell**

**Chpt 2**

* * *

**Warning**

Sanzo: Oi stupid morons what garbage have you been filling that monkey's brain with!

**Gun points at Hakkai and Gojyo, who at the moment were sweat dropping**

Hakkai: Haha, I believe Goku misunderstood.

Sanzo: Oh? And?

Hakkai: Well we were engaging inmore than one conversation at a time yesterday so that might have confused Goku.

Sanzo: "…' **Twitch**

Gojyo: What's gotten into you slanty eyed monk?

**Gun shoots in Gojyo's direction**

Gojyo: Oi watch where you're aiming that thing godless bastard!

Sanzo: The point is to not miss.

Gojyo: **(growls)** Miserable jaded monk!

Sanzo: The next time you attempt topollutethat monkey with perverseness, I'll make sure your brain is replace by a bullet.

**Sanzo leaves their room**

Hakkai: That was a close one.

Gojyo: Why did you tell that chibi to inquire about PMS to Sanzo?

Hakkai: I didn't. You were rambling on about how Sanzo probably PMS behind close doors. And I was telling Goku to go ask Sanzo what the word inquiring meant.

Gojyo: Ah? Well why didn't you just explain it to him?

Hakkai:With Goku's mentality and mine, I doubt my words can reach his level of comprehension.

Gojyo: What's so hard about telling that monkey 'inquiring means asking'.

Hakkai: Well technically they're not the same. Asking is to question while inquiring is eagerness to learn things.

Gojyo: **(roll his eyes)** Technically, I see why you referred him to Sanzo.

**In the otherroom**

**MunchMunchMunchMunchMunch**

**ThwackThwackThwackThwackThwack**

Goku: OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW! What did I do?

Sanzo: Stop making those munching noises-can't you eat quietly for once.

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on to the next 


	3. Plotting

**CHPT 3: Plotting**

* * *

Goku: Hakkai, sanzo didn't tell me what PMS was can you? 

Hakkai: **(sweat drops)** Hmm…Goku I believe what I said was to ask Sanzo what the word inquiring means.

Goku: **(scratches his head)** Eh? Oh I forgot.

Gojyo: Stupid monkey, I didn't tell you tattle-tell on me. Sanzo nearly blew my head off to the next world.

Goku: Why?

Gojyo: Cause you just don't bring such topic to Sanzo-Sama's ear. Although I don't see why he gets so offended considering how corrupted he is already.

Goku: Ne then what's PMS and why does Sanzo have it?It's not a disease is it,is it deadly,he's not gonna die is he,can it be cure,canI do anything to help you have to tell me,I wont let anything happen to him. **(eyes watery on the verge of tearing)**

**Hakkai and Gojyo both looked at each other and then back to the frustrated Goku, devilish thoughts ran through their twisted minds**

Gojyo: Goku it's very deadly. **(Clenching his teeth tightly to suppress his laughter)**

Hakkai: Yes I'm afraid so, Goku. **(Clearing his throat excessively to void his chuckle)**

Goku: **(wide eyes with fear)** Hakkai you're a healer do something.

Gojyo: Fear not young lad. There's a cure.

Hakkai: Yes but only you can perform it.

Goku: Really what is it?

Gojyo: You have to wash him when he baths.

Hakkai: With bare hands.

Gojyo: His entire body from head to toe, every part.

Hakkai: For five hours.

Gojyo: Make sure to keep a clock by you.

Hakkai: Yes timing is important.

Goku: **(eyes wide with jaw drop)** But-but-but he'll kill me.

Gojyo: Would you rather see him die then?

Hakkai: Yes you must be strong for him.

Gojyo: Once you scrub the diseases off of him, he'll live as healthy and old as a cactus.

Goku: Hm. Then I'll do that.

Gojyo: Wait. There's one more thing. Considering that he'll probably be reluctant to allow you to feel him-I mean heal him…you're probably going to have to tie him up.

Goku: How do I do that without being killed?

Gojyo: You're stronger than him right…so just tackle him down and chain him.

Goku: Ok then I'm off to save S-

**Gojyo's hand quickly covers Goku's mouth **

Gojyo: Ohaiyo Sanzo-Sama. **(grins stupidly)**

Sanzo: **(gives the three an evil glare)** Goku go back to the room and clean your mess now!

Gojyo: **(sighs)** Sanzo-sama is such a nourishing parent.

**Bam-bam-bam**

Gojyo: OI! You stinky bastard monk!

**The door closes on them and Hakkai and Gojyo threw themselves intofits of hysterical laughter.**

Hakkai: Cactus? Oh we are so dead.

Gojyo: It's the only thing popped in my mind when referering to that monk and yeah we'll probably have our heads cut off but seeing Sanzo-sama under frustration, carnal frustration that is...is worth more than anything.

**More hysterical laughter sounded**


	4. Healing

Guide: Italic letters are thoughts.

* * *

**Final CHPT: Healing.**

Sanzo: Goku fetch me some soap I'm out. **(yells from inside the bathroom)**

**Goku pacing around outside of the bathroom door**

Goku: Should I or shouldn't I…I should. **(Grabs the door knob)** …but he's going to kill me**…(gulps)**

**Bathroom doors swings open, showing a grumpy blond wearing a white bathing robe and Goku jumps back a good two feet**

Sanzo: STUPID MONKEY! Didn't you hear me?

Goku: I was just getting that **(gulps again)** now.

**Goku aims for Sanzo's bag and takes out a bar of Luxe handling it quickly to his guardian as the door slams**

Goku: **(sighs in desperation)** I can't do it. But I must.

**Goku takes out two small but firm chains Gojyo and Hakkai had bought him the day before and places the key in his pocket**

Goku: Let's see. Gojyo told me to tie Sanzo's hand behind him and his feet together. (**Sweats)** I hope I could do this…but I really don't want to tackling him down.

**Bathroom door opens, a naked Sanzo in the bubbly bath tub**

Sanzo: What the hell do you think you're doing.

**Cling, Cling**

Sanzo: What's that noise behind you.

Goku: **(sweating into a pool)** Na Sanzo I must help you.

**Twitch Twitch**

Sanzo: The hell are you talking about!

Goku: So…hmm…just relax-k? **(nervous as hell)**

Sanzo: How can I relax with you standing there like an idiot, get ou-

**Cling, clung, yanks, pulls, shoves, kick, water splash, lock**

**Door to their bedroom opens and two amused character tip-toe in the room quietly to stand behind the barthroom door, eavesdropping**

Hakkai: **(whispers)** Gojyo I'm beginning to doubt this.

Gojyo: **(whispers back)** Oh-hush and let me enjoy this…tee-hee-hee

**Inside bathroom**

Sanzo: STUPID MONKEY! UNTIE ME NOW OR I SWEAR YOU WON'T LIVE PAST YOUR NEXT MEAL!

Goku: I'm sorry Sanzo but I must do this for your own good.

**Sanzo sweat drops, clueless**

Goku: Now just let me wash you.

**Sanzo face's turns blue**

Sanzo: You little snot when I get my hands on you, you're as good as dead. **(clenches his teeth)**

Goku: You can kill me later. Now…hmm…where did I put that clock?

Sanzo: Clock? **(blinks dumbfounded)**

Goku: Oh there it is. Ok now time for wash up.

Sanzo: What the-Get your hands off me Bakasaru!

**Outside**

Gojyo: What did I tell you Hakkai, hehehe, this getting good.

Hakkai: We're so dead and what's worst I agreed on this.

Gojyo: Baaah, you know you wanted to see Sanzo-sama as we've never seen him before.

Hakkai:** (grins)** Hai but I never imagine it would be this way.

Gojyo: Too late to pull that monkey out now.

Hakkai: Or we could pull him out now and run for our lives.

Gojyo: No way. We'll run later, this is getting interesting.

**Inside**

Goku: If you stop wiggling around this task would be much more easier to do.

Sanzo: Oh excuse me for not being cooperative when I'm being chained against my own will.

Goku: **(shakes his head)** I have to wash you for five full hours. It's important.

Sanzo: WHAAAATTT!

Goku: Now stop moving.

Sanzo: **(flinches as Goku's hand strokes from his toes up to his thighs)** Damn little demon! **(starts wiggling again)** Damn stupid chains! Goku you're going to have the funeral of all times!

Goku: Stop complaining. You'll thank me later.

Sanzo: WHAAAATTT!

Goku: Now you need to spread your legs so I can wash in between.

**Sanzo's face turns deadly and if looks could kill this one would**

Sanzo: tell me again how I'm suppose to do that when you oh I don't know…TIED MY FEET TOGETHER STUPID FREAKING IDIOT WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY DID YOU FALL ON YOUR HEAD THIS MORNING OR EAT SOME POISONOUS FOOD HOLDING THE LABEL DUMBASS ON IT UNTIE ME NOW!

Goku: **(gulps)** _If I let him loose he'll kill me and die. If I don't let him loose he'll kill me later and live. _Sorry I can't do that yet Sanzo…there's four hours and fifty minutes left to go. But how to go about washing in between his tighs?

**Goku ponders suddenly star strikes**

Goku: Ok now I'm just going to have to squeeze my way in between then

**Outside**

**Gojyo's hand over his mouth to stop himself from barking out laughing while Hakkai sweats drop uncomfortably**

Hakkai: Oh my…forget being dead. I think buried alive sounds more like it

Gojyo: Sssh…or they'll hear us.

**Inside**

Sanzo: Damn you**….(sentence cut off when Goku's hand fondles between his clasp thighs)**

Goku: You don't have to be tense you know, feels like my hand is being squished.

Sanzo:Easy for you to say stupi**-(a groan escapes him as Goku's fingers had accidentally rub his genital member and he quivers)**…sstop that now.

Goku: I'm going to scrub your half bottom for two and a half hours and your top half for the other remaining two and a half.

Sanzo: TCH! I don't know**-(another groan this time only softer)…**what got you**-(let's a suppressed breath out)…**to behave this-BAKA!

**Goku had now both hand in between Sanzo's legs scrubbing on each side of inner thighs up and then the most shocking part came**

Sanzo: Stupid meat bun inhaler take your hands of m-

**Outside**

Gojyo: Tee-he-he…oooh man too bad I don't have a recorder.

Hakkai: How does being burned alive sounds to you?

**Inside**

Sanzo: _Stupid, stupid monkey. Is he even aware of what he's doing to me…_

Goku: Hmm…this would be my first time washing a man not that I've wash a woman before either but I don't see where the difference lies.

Sanzo: _Of course you wouldn't you idiot…you weren't born with a brain…_

Goku: Na Sanzo why are you so silent now?

Sanzo: _How can I not be…your damn hands are stroking where they're not supposed to…_

Goku: It's not the diseases acting up is it? **(eyes filled with worries)**

Sanzo: _What the hell is it with this monkey…and why is on the verge of crying into a pool…_

Goku: Say something Sanzo. **(hands gripping even tighter on you know what part)**

Sanzo: **(groans loudly)…**Take**-(he chocks a breath out)…**hand off.

Goku: Eh? Hmm…ok.

Sanzo: (breaths normally again and stares silently at Goku) "…"

Goku: Sanzo?

Sanzo: "…"

Goku: **(press a hand against Sanzo's forehead checking body temperature)** You don't seem to have a fever.

Sanzo: "…"

Goku: Sanzoo? Why are you staring at me like that?

Sanzo: "…"

Goku: I think I should get Ha-

Sanzo: Goku.

Goku:Yes.

Sanzo: Untie me. (**spoke in his most gentle tone ever**)

Goku: But then you won't let me wash you.

Sanzo: I won't hold back. I'm beginning to understand what you're doing.

Goku: Ah really? **(Grins widely)** Ok then but promise not to break your word.

Sanzo: Oh don't worry I won't. _You'll see little brat..._

Goku: Alright here we go.

**Click, Clack, Clock, Chains came off, a very still sanzo sat unmoving in his bubbly bath tub**

Goku: Ok now I'll continue.

**Swoooshsss!**

Goku: **(gags)** San-zo **(found himself pin on the wet floor Sanzo toping over him)**

Sanzo: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill youthis very minute. I was thinking of starting with your oversized stomach. Shall I carve it out so you can no longer eat? Or should I place a bullet in your empty skull first. Maybe doing both at the same time, no?

Goku: San-zoo…that's so mean of you. I was just trying to**…(and then it came, the flowing tears and then the loud sobbing and then the puppy adorable cursed golden eyes and then-)…**why are you so mad. I just don't want you to die from PMS disease.

Sanzo: _Good lord of all heaven…now I get it. Those two will pay later but first things' first…_Well for one thing I'm not dying anytime soon, secondly I've already told you men don't have PMS and I don't PMS, only women have it because it's needed for their bodies to be able to bare children. The third being that I'll stay true to my words.

Goku: **(sobbing stops)** Eh? Then this whole time…but they…waah I don't get it…so PMS is not a diseasee?

Sanzo: No. But you can be sure that once I'm done with them there won't be a cure around.

**Outside**

Hakkai: I told you.

Gojyo: Ah shit. It didn't even get to the good part yet.

**Both slowly tip-toed out of the room as silently as they could**

Hakkai: Now shall I go dig our graves?

Gojyo: Make mine a twin size coffin.

Hakkai: Ah?

Gojyo: I plan on lying next to a beautiful face.

Hakkai: Like any sane normal woman's going to be willing to be your partner in death.

Gojyo: Who's talking about a woman. I simply meant you.

Hakkai: **(chuckles)** Should have seen that coming.

**Inside**

Goku: So Hakkai and Gojyo were just lying to me.

Sanzo: Again, like always, as usual, for who knows how many times now but you never seem to learn.

Goku: **(grins stupidly)** Hehehe…sumimasen. Now then since it's settle I feel much better, ok you can get off me now.

Sanzo: You forget the third, monkey.

Goku: Eh? The third of what?

Sanzo: You asked me not to break my word.

Goku: I don't get it.

Sanzo: I told you that I won't hold back.

Goku: Oh that but since it's already settle and it was all a bad joke then I don't have to wash you anymore.

Sanzo: Who's talking about washing me. I meant I won't hold back so I won't hold back.

Goku: I still don't get it.

Sanzo: You're about to get it. (stares down at Goku with evil predatory eyes)

Goku: (gulps) Errr…San-zo?

**The next day on the road**

Gojyo and Hakkai were seen driving out of town with their bodies being bandaged from head to toe resulting in Sanzo being the designated driver until Hakkai heals while Goku was seen to stand during the entire drive until they got to a next town, oh let's say…about two day's ride away from the one they just left.

What happened to those three? It's a secret. Tee-hee-hee

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Voila done. Longest CHPT. 


End file.
